It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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