I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
