You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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