Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
