I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
