my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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