Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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