Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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