It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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