Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize