Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
