pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
