I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
