Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
