Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
