I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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