you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
