Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
