I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
