Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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