Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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