Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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