i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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