That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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