I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
