Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
