Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
