its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
