Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
