I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I did not marry a roomba.
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