Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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