I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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