Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
