Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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