I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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