What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
