All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's the barista slut.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize