I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
