Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude. I can hear the air.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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