someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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