he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize