So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
