Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't deserve a penis
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
