all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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