she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
