Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
