Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
