I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize