So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
