i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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