Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
