my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
