I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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