that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Your cock deserves a montage
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
