Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
