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I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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