Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
