And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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