The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
