Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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