i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
