listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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