tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He passed out mid-signature
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
