My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i barfeds in our rink
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
