He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
