How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize