Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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