i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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