So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
