I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She bit a glass in half.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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