he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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