I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
