just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
