Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Randomize