All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
