you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
