Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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