"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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