He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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