It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
