My friends, they love my intelligence
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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