so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
