Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
