Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
