Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize