I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
