But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
