do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
