I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
