hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
