I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
