please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
