im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
