I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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