the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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