Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
