one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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