You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
