There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
