All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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