i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
