my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize