Porn is love you can see.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
