insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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