how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
